Everyone has Parts. Parts arrive with thoughts feelings and beliefs – and vary within friendships, romantic interests, and professional relationships. And, because of varying dynamics, Parts may conflict with each other and change over time.
Why identify Parts? Identifying Parts helps you connect with Self – giving you the ability to lead with Self.
Lead with Self? What does that mean?
Imagine each Part as an instrument within a symphony – and YOU, Self, are the conductor of the Parts Symphony.
As Self you recognize when the oboe has been taking center stage for the past forty minutes. And, as Self, you have the ability to step back and allow instrumental collaboration. Or not.
Stepping back to recognize Parts – helps you/Self determine Self based intention and action. Self lead harmony.
Ready to connect with Parts? Review values and ask yourself…
What values stand out?
What thoughts, feelings, and beliefs connect with these values?
How have I practiced these values within my life? How do I practice these values now?
Are there Parts of me offering different ways I should practice these values? Criticize the way I have practiced these values – or the way other people have practiced these values?
[Spoiler: At the base of this article – you can review and download Parts/Value worksheet]
Parts Connect with Values
Check out these examples …
The Love-Bomb Master Part.
The Love-Bomb Master evolved at the age of 8 years old, third grade February 14th Valentines Day – wherein an entire bag of stolen chocolates was exchanged. The Love-Bomb Master identifies a value-combo of Authenticity: to be authentic, genuine, real; to be true to myself and Excitement: to seek, create and engage in activities that are exciting, stimulating or thrilling. Love-Bomb Master rallies at high volume …
Live for the moment. Go for it. Tell them how you feel. Angry? Upset? In love? Vocalize!
Love-Bomb Master encourages the No-Filter approach. Other Parts argue with the Love-Bomb Master pointing to past events where Authentic expression has gone awry.
Who are these Other Parts? Read on …
The Solo Traveler Part.
The Solo Traveler Part became strong at the age of sixteen watching their parents go through tumultuous divorce – and supports the value of Independence – to be self-supportive, and choose my own way of doing things.
When looking at how (and when) The Solo Traveler evolved, Independence aligns with past disappointments – being let down by others, and fear of people, places, and things that were not within control.
Given the chance, The Solo Traveler may grab the mic, walk to center stage and command …
You don’t need anyone. Keep them at a distance!
The Solo Traveler helps you walk away from negative situations – yet challenges the development of new relationships.
The Get it Done Part.
The Get it Done Part evolved over time … starting from childhood doing chores to cultivate respect and delved into academics, after the parents divorce. [Get it Done is coaxing a blog novel be written – about 5,678 pages with a multitude of justifiable events regarding its development. But I (Self) will spare you.]
Where was I? Oh yeah … Get it Done has a long list of values – one value (sometimes inaccurately) labeled as Trust – to be trustworthy; to be loyal, faithful, sincere, and reliable.
The Get it Done Part may be up until 2 AM with a work obligation, saying …
I said I was going to do this – so, come hell or high water, that’s what I am gonna do.
Get it Done criticizes actions that aren’t connected with the The Get It Done To Do list…
Are you lazy? If you can’t do this – there is definitely something WRONG. Netflix? Is that what you are doing right now? I don’t care if it’s Friday night – you have got a LONG LIST – of which you must follow through with.
As helpful as Get it Done can be … the criticism can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, and fear.
The Love Bomb Master, Solo Traveler, and Get it Done are EXAMPLES of Parts.
You, my dear reader* have different Parts based on experiences, history and relationships. And connecting with Parts will allow you to step back, recognize and align with Self.
[*One of those Parts may have a similar voice to Bridgerton’s Lady Whistledown]