I close my eyes.
It’s 2005. I’m at 40 Year Old Virgin’s Date-a-Palooza and the buzzer is going off every three minutes …
I open my eyes.
It is NOT 2005.
Speed dating has evolved.
Speed Dating Evolution?
Yes.
NEWS FLASH: There are Speed Dating TYPES
And these types include preferences, identities, themes, facilitators, NO facilitators, using your phone and NOT using your phone.
Interested?
Read on and learn from the creators of four Portland Speed Dating options: Shuffle, Luvvly, Autism Society of Oregon’s Neurodivergent Speed Dating, and Tantra Speed Date®.
Shuffle
I had the pleasure to talk with Shuffle founder Austin Yeo and co-founder Andy Trattner about the 2023 development of Shuffle’s modern approach to speed dating.
How is speed dating modern?
Get out your phone.
That’s right. GET OUT YOUR PHONE.
Spoiler Alert: There is no host. Shuffle speed dates are moderated by your phone – starting with the description of your date’s appearance so you can find them (example: gray mullet, mustache, flip flops.)
Worried you will stare at the clock throughout your brief speed date encounter?
No worries. Your phone tracks the start/end time of your 10 minute speed date (and allows for breaks.)
Problem thinking of what to say on dates? Frozen with anxiety?
Shuffle provides a phone prompt which guides your conversation for each date round.
After each round, you input Match or Pass for each date. All Shuffle participants receive match results the next day, via email.
It’s been a little over a year and Shuffle is now available in multiple cities.
And some Shuffle events have themes.
Dating themes?
Yup. Shuffle developed themes based on participant requests.
Austin explains, the “kids” theme would come up most often so we decided to include it in our events and so far they’ve been going well. The other themes that we have (has hobbies, has a professional career, etc.) have honestly been an experiment and we use feedback and sign-up velocity to measure whether we want to keep the theme in our rotation. With themes, we want them to be valuable for participants but also don’t want them to be too narrow otherwise we’ll struggle to fill the events …
When asked about the comparison of dating style, gender, and age in cities across the states Austin reflected, there are definitely differences and commonalities in trends in different cities. Our service is pretty popular with those in their late-20s to early 40s in all cities. In Seattle, there is a large majority of men in their 20s, while in D.C., there is a large majority of women in their 20s. Portland skews more towards mid 30s – 40s, while D.C. and Chicago skew towards 20s.
As you read Austin’s reflection, you may have questions …
Curious about Shuffle? Interested in particular themes or relationship types? Thinking of moving to another city or trying to find other single parents to date?
Sign up for Shuffle’s email newsletter for the opportunity to share your interests, ideas and needs. Learn more: Featured on NPR’s “Seattle Now” podcast. Or check it out, in person: Shuffle Dating.
Luvvly
In the Summer of 2023 (seven months prior to this article) Michelle and Joe started Luvvly speed dating in Portland, Oregon and, as of March 2024, Luvvly estimates the average of about six (couples) matched, per event.
I connected with Joe and Michelle to learn …
Q: What are the Top Three Red Flags you’ve seen in the local PDX area when it comes to dating???
- Lack of follow through. Some folks will express interest at the event and match, but not connect or follow up after. We’re implementing a prompt for folks to use as a follow suggestion when they gettheir match results to help encourage them to reach out.
- Bringing in baggage from their negative dating experiences into the event, rather than connecting over lighthearted and fun topics some spend their date time venting/complaining.
- Lack of reciprocity when on a first date. I.e Answering questions thoroughly and talking about themselves without showing interest in the other person by asking them in return.
Q: The Top Three Green Flags you’ve seen in the local PDX area when it comes to dating???
- Enthusiasm for new connections! Participants who show up simply excited to meet and connect with new people, regardless of the outcome generally have the best time.
- Openness and vulnerability. It’s easy to show up and keep conversations surface, but by engaging with ice breakers participants can really get the best experience and connect beyond small talk. Being able to get an idea of a person’s values and lifestyle goes a long way.
- Since our dates are only 10 minutes, the little things can go a long way; kindness, basic manners, reciprocity, and a positive attitude generally.
Interested in more? Check out Luvvly’s detailed list of red and green flags.
No Host?
There is no in-person host or facilitator for Luvvly speed dating events. And Luvvly speed dating does not require you to download an app. However …
Michelle and Joe support Speed Dating participants from afar. Afar?
Get out your phone!
Luvvly will text with you, as needed, and give you the option to use two prompts for casual conversation (via your phone) for dates.
I had to ask …
Q: What conversational prompts are most helpful? Do they vary – and can you provide some examples? Can people know conversation prompts BEFORE the speed dating event occurs?
A: We aim for our conversation prompts to encourage gratitude, stories, genuine connection and help to get to know someone beyond a surface level.
(Ex: What are your top three favorite qualities in your closest friends? What’s your idea of a perfect day? What’s a passion of yours you could talk about for hours? What’s been the highlight of your day so far? What is one thing that you’re doing for yourself this month? What is one goal you’re currently working towards? What’s a routine or habit that’s important to you?)
Themes? To Theme or Not to Theme ….
Luvvly has experimented with themes and is not currently offering themed events with the goal to ‘ensure we’re not overly filtering to the point where we’re leaving no room for chance.’
However, as Luvvly grows they plan to implement themes and compatibility questionnaires in addition to the Luvvly event schedule.
Curious about Luvvly and want to check it out? Sign up for a Luvvly Event. Or join the Luvvly Community for event updates (in addition to the Luvvly learning hub for dating insights and tips.)
Read this article to learn more about Michelle and Joe and the start of Luvvly.
And, if you are reading this from afar, don’t worry as Luvvly is currently in the process of extending Luvvly Speed Dating to people in New York and other cities.
Autism Society of Oregon
So many reasons to appreciate and support the Autism Society of Oregon (ASO) which offers support groups, social groups, online workshops, nature walks, and much more …
including …
SPEED DATING!
Tobi Rates, ASO Executive Director, explains ASO started hosting speed dating based on the need for dating and friendship events for members of the Autistic community and to help provide a safe space to meet people.
Put away the phones. There are Facilitators!
There are currently three NeuroDivergent facilitators who rotate at ASO Speed Dating events, (while ASO provides logistical support).
To learn more, I asked Tobi questions …
Q: What is the Pre-Event Workshop?
A: This is an optional part of the evening where we go over what the participants can expect and give them a chance to get grounded in the space before we start. We find it’s helpful to give some extra time to acclimate before the event starts.
Q: During these events, are there cues for people to describe how they identify as NeuroDivergent?
A: No, we urge people to identify however they are comfortable. Disclosure is up to the individual.
Q: When is the next NeuroDivergent dating event? And, can we spread the word? Where can community members access information/registration?
A: We don’t have a date set yet but are looking at sometime in June in the Portland area. We also hope to expand to Salem and possibly Eugene later this year.
As of today, Nuerodivergent events can be located on the ASO website – within the social calendar.
And whether you are interested in speed dating or not …
I invite you to support the Autism Society of Oregon as they provide connection for our community (including the Resource Guide for Service Animals.)
Tantra Speed Date®
I connected with the co-founder of the Tantra Institute, Guy Shahar, about Tantra Speed Date® which started in New York (and Guy estimates it came to Portland, Oregon around 2018.)
Put your phone away!
Tantra Speed Date® has trained facilitators.
Tantra?!?
Guy explains the frequent misinterpretation of the word Tantra and how events were developed based on the Puja circle – where everyone spends a minute or two in each Puja station doing an exercise together. At the end of each date station, there is a matching ritual. Questions about the process? This article explains.
As of today, Guy guarantees 94.09% of people who attend the Tantra Speed Date® event match with AT LEAST 1 person. And many of the events are 100% (meaning everyone who attends matches with at least 1 person).
Interested in learning more? Tantra events occur every other month (or so) in Portland. Attend the next one!
Curious about speed dating?
Check out the in-person experience – and expand from the online dating swipe process (which may have lead to dating burnout.)
Dealing with a breakup and now single? Going through divorce? Questioning what you want?
Align with your values and navigate your road. Therapy helps strengthen your foundation. Interested? Reach out.
