Tired of Dating Apps?
Ready to find your match?
Meet Autum. Portland’s Matchmaker.
Is dating difficult?
Are you nodding while reading this question? You aren’t alone.
And yet, dating is part of the process … as people explore who they want to be in relationships, who they want to be with, the type of relationship they want, and (even bigger) if they want a relationship.
Are you asking yourself, How do I FIND dates?
You’re looking around the holiday dinner table, the office lunchroom, amidst parents at the kids softball game … and you have concluded: Meeting the right available person within my current social circle is … unlikely.
So, the popular method of dating is through … you got it! … dating apps. And, despite this popularity, many of my clients find dating apps challenging and disheartening.
We were texting … then all the sudden… nothing.
Didn’t look like the person in the photos. And now they won’t stop calling – but always after 1 AM. I’m gonna have to block another one … again…
Don’t want someone from work to see my profile. And … What if my ex sees it?
So … how about exploring the old school way to meet someone?
Old School!?? What is Heather talking about?!?!
I’m talking about a matchmaker!
Are you in the Rose City? Curious about common dating dilemmas? Need dating advice? Interested in giving matchmaking a try? At the start of this year, I met up with Autum, Portland’s matchmaker.
When it comes to dating, Autum’s perspective and advice are needed.
Autum has found most of her female clients want to date individuals who have been to therapy and have ‘done the work.’ In other words, they want to date people who acknowledge the importance of working on themselves.
Read on and learn from Autum, the PDX matchmaker …
First Question: Is there a common dating dilemma for those using dating apps in Portland? And, if there is, what is it?
Autum Answers: The top three things individuals bring up in their struggles with dating when talking to me are:
- Burnout – The top thing I hear about is being burnt out on the dating apps. The mindless swiping and hyperanalyzation of aprofile someone might have put effort into. Some individuals that have been in a relationship through the lifespan of dating apps and are now freshly single, don’t even want to touch the apps due to their friends’ horror stories.
- Next better – I’ve had quite a few people bring up the culture of always reaching towards the next best thing. I’m personally not familiar with this feeling, but I imagine it’s what someone feels if they can’t get past the first or second date because the other person thinks they can do better.
- Desensitization – This has to do with porn. I’ve had a lot of women tell me they don’t want to date a man that is addicted to porn. This has to do with men having unreal ideas as to what a woman should look like intimately, they should be mimicking porn and thus a woman should act as though she’s in one. The man has become desensitized to what a real time woman looks like and can’t get in the moment. This has to do with looks as well, skinny culture. With the apps, some men’s approaches are more sexual then a lot of women are hoping for.
Second Question: What are the top three things people should be conscious of when going on a first date?
Autum Answers: An Autum The Matchmaker date is a blind date that is 30-45 with no exchanging phone numbers, with the understanding that if both people were interested in each other they would have the opportunity to meet again. The most common things that people note either positively or negatively:
Did they show up on time?
- If not, did they apologize?
- Does their hair look greasy
- Did they take the time to dress up for the occasion?
- Do they have any style/does their style match yours?
Do interests align?
- This, I think, is a means to communicate chemistry to me. They said “we didn’t have anything in common”, but I see it on their profile, that they have a lot in common, they just don’t share a chemistry to enjoy it together.
Did both people talk equally, or did the other person dominate the conversation?
- “I didn’t get a word in the whole date” – Did the other person show interest in you by asking questions?
- Did you show interest?
Last Question: In your time match-making you’ve helped a lot of people connect with each other. What is the most surprising thing you have learned during this time? (which may have nothing to do with relationships – but people’s communication tools, age demographics, etc)
Autum Answers: The most interesting thing I’ve noted is how people treat me. I am not an app, and my response time is not immediate. I have individuals who expect immediate service, immediate matches and immediate love. I just can’t provide that.